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Libido: What women wished men knew-

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Low libido. It happens to  a lot of men and women, but few want to talk about it. Men don’t like to talk about it, and it’s not a favourite topic with women. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire in women stresses marriages more than any other sexual dysfunction.

One night when Tolu got home from a romantic dinner with Yinka, his wife, candles were burning in their bedroom and soft music playing in the background. “I had taken a few drinks and the atmosphere was right for intimacy. Yinka, who had set up the room as a surprise, was undressed and ready for action in a flash, but I suddenly realized I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.

“It was not that I was drunk or suffered ‘power failure’; I just wasn’t in the mood for sex. Yinka and I have what could pass as an average sex life, so it was difficult explaining the situation to her. She didn’t find it funny because it was not the first time such would happen. In fact she got very angry and refused to speak to me for a long time. “

This confession from Tolu, a 40-year-old father of two children and husband of a 38-year-old woman is not unusual. Physical issues that can cause low libido include low testosterone, prescription medicines, too little or too much exercise, and alcohol and drug use. Psychological issues can include depression, stress, and problems in a relationship.

Gbenro, a technician told Saturday Vanguard that after menopause, his wife’s sexual appetite doubled unexpectedly. The 55-year-old recounted that Sarah, his 52-year-old wife and mother of four grown children had suddenly become “a tigress in bed” in recent times, following her post-menopausal status.

To be honest I used to consider myself as someone with a high sex drive, and my wife used to complain that I was too demanding. But that was when we were still having children. Now things have changed. She has stopped having periods, but she is more sexually active than ever and I am the one now complaining because I can’t keep up with her demand,” he said.

Sexual aversion

Long before Tracy was diagnosed with endometriosis (a disorder that affects women in their reproductive years), her life had turned permanently around for the worse. She and Mike, her husband have been married just two years, but their marriage is already in major trouble because she has a low sex drive and doesn’t at all want to be intimate.

There’s a part of Tracy that’s afraid to get intimate. She has just one word to describe sex – painful. Her aversion for sex is steeped in pain, excruciating pain every time she engages in penetrative sex. She suffers regularly with painful symptoms and bleeding and her situation seems to be hopeless.

“I hate to have sex as much as I fear to have sex,” Tracy told her doctor one day. “I feel like my world is falling apart because of this. I feel so horrible after sex,” she admitted, pointing out that it’s not that her husband cannot “please” her. “I just don’t like sex,” she admitted.

Data from research suggests that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of sexual dysfunction, surprisingly; it is a topic many people, especially women, are hesitant or embarrassed to discuss. Sexual problems occur in adults of all ages but in women, many factors can contribute to low libido. These include a lack of desire, hormonal changes, medical conditions and treatments, depression, pregnancy, stress, and fatigue. Boredom with regular sexual routines also may contribute to a lack of enthusiasm for sex, as can lifestyle factors, such as careers and the care of children.

Why men suffer low sex drive

Although it contradicts all the cultural beliefs of “manliness”, men can lose their libido. As a matter of fact, low sexual desire in men is probably one of the world’s best kept “open” secrets. Everybody knows or suspects this, but no one readily admits. Statistics reveal that an average of 20-25 percent of adult males suffers from low libido, but that is not the worst of the matter. The bigger problem may be that men so affected are often ashamed of speaking out.

A marriage therapist told Saturday Vanguard that low libido or low sex drive is often perceived as violation of a man’s sense of masculinity. It is such that the mere thought of being disinterested in sex, or being unable to “perform” sexually practically strikes terror into the heart of the average man. This is understandable. A man is more visually and physically wired sexually than a woman because his sense of self is usually tied up in his virility. But there is a growing gap between myth and reality when it comes to male desire. The plain truth is that more men are having less sex more often.

Sexual health is important at any age, and the desire for intimacy is expected to be timeless. While a 40 or 50-year-old man’s desire or sexual appetite may not be the same as it was in his 20s or 30s, it can still be very fulfilling to be sexually active in advanced age.

A lagging libido can be frustrating. After years of wanting sex all the time, some men say the lack of interest feels like losing an important part of who they are. Testosterone plays a critical role in a man’s sexual experience. Testosterone levels gradually decline throughout adulthood — about 1 percent each year after age 30 on average.

As a man ages, arousal and interest in sex may be a problem. Why does this happen? Lower levels of testosterone can dampen desire. But that’s not the only reason. With advancing age, life stressors like money, children, and career pressure can make it more difficult to get into and stay interested in sex; so can medications, alcohol, depression, and major illnesses.

Woman, what’s killing your sex drive?

When Joan had her baby last year, she was over the moon with joy. Her baby was healthy, happy, and beautiful. Seeing Jacob, her husband dote on the new infant made her heart melt. But something didn’t feel right. At 27, Joan’s sex drive had vanished. “It was like a switch went off in my head,” she describes. “I wanted sex one day, and after that there was nothing. I didn’t want sex. I didn’t think about sex.” At first, she told herself this disappearing act was normal. Then after a few months she tried to find answers. Everyone tried to help, but nothing changed. She and Jacob managed to have sporadic sex. Joan was just going through the motions. “The sex was gone, and a whole part of my life with it. Is this still normal? Joan wondered.

“Low libido is extremely prevalent in women,” asserts a reproductive endocrinologist. “If you just ask women, whether they are not that interested in having sex, easily 2 out of 5 will say yes.” But lack of sex drive alone isn’t a problem. While some women simply don’t want sex that often, low libido is often a temporary side effect of an external stressor, like a new baby or financial troubles. In order to be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction, or what’s now sometimes called sexual interest/arousal disorder, women need to have low libido for at least six months and feel distressed about it. There are women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, who are otherwise healthy, happy, and in control of every area of their lives—except, suddenly, the bedroom.

What women wished men knew

Women are actually more prone than men to developing a flagging libido. Research shows that on the average 40 – 50 percent of women suffer bouts of low libido. A woman dodging out of sex, with the old excuse of having a headache or being too tired, is most likely trying to cover up her waning desire for sex.

Before the birth of her baby last year, Bola had a healthy appetite for sex and she and Ade, her spouse, couldn’t have enough of each other. In the first few months after their wedding, they were at it practically every day. Even when she became pregnant, the couple still managed to have a roll in the hay at least once every other day.

Low libido. It happens to  a lot of men and women, but few want to talk about it. Men don’t like to talk about it, and it’s not a favourite topic with women. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire in women stresses marriages more than any other sexual dysfunction.

One night when Tolu got home from a romantic dinner with Yinka, his wife, candles were burning in their bedroom and soft music playing in the background. “I had taken a few drinks and the atmosphere was right for intimacy. Yinka, who had set up the room as a surprise, was undressed and ready for action in a flash, but I suddenly realized I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to lie down and go to sleep.

“It was not that I was drunk or suffered ‘power failure’; I just wasn’t in the mood for sex. Yinka and I have what could pass as an average sex life, so it was difficult explaining the situation to her. She didn’t find it funny because it was not the first time such would happen. In fact she got very angry and refused to speak to me for a long time. “

This confession from Tolu, a 40-year-old father of two children and husband of a 38-year-old woman is not unusual. Physical issues that can cause low libido include low testosterone, prescription medicines, too little or too much exercise, and alcohol and drug use. Psychological issues can include depression, stress, and problems in a relationship.

Gbenro, a technician told Saturday Vanguard that after menopause, his wife’s sexual appetite doubled unexpectedly. The 55-year-old recounted that Sarah, his 52-year-old wife and mother of four grown children had suddenly become “a tigress in bed” in recent times, following her post-menopausal status.

“To be honest I used to consider myself as someone with a high sex drive, and my wife used to complain that I was too demanding. But that was when we were still having children. Now things have changed. She has stopped having periods, but she is more sexually active than ever and I am the one now complaining because I can’t keep up with her demand,” he said.

Sexual aversion

Long before Tracy was diagnosed with endometriosis (a disorder that affects women in their reproductive years), her life had turned permanently around for the worse. She and Mike, her husband have been married just two years, but their marriage is already in major trouble because she has a low sex drive and doesn’t at all want to be intimate.

There’s a part of Tracy that’s afraid to get intimate. She has just one word to describe sex – painful. Her aversion for sex is steeped in pain, excruciating pain every time she engages in penetrative sex. She suffers regularly with painful symptoms and bleeding and her situation seems to be hopeless.More in Home

“I hate to have sex as much as I fear to have sex,” Tracy told her doctor one day. “I feel like my world is falling apart because of this. I feel so horrible after sex,” she admitted, pointing out that it’s not that her husband cannot “please” her. “I just don’t like sex,” she admitted.

Data from research suggests that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of sexual dysfunction, surprisingly; it is a topic many people, especially women, are hesitant or embarrassed to discuss. Sexual problems occur in adults of all ages but in women, many factors can contribute to low libido. These include a lack of desire, hormonal changes, medical conditions and treatments, depression, pregnancy, stress, and fatigue. Boredom with regular sexual routines also may contribute to a lack of enthusiasm for sex, as can lifestyle factors, such as careers and the care of children.

Why men suffer low sex drive

Although it contradicts all the cultural beliefs of “manliness”, men can lose their libido. As a matter of fact, low sexual desire in men is probably one of the world’s best kept “open” secrets. Everybody knows or suspects this, but no one readily admits. Statistics reveal that an average of 20-25 percent of adult males suffers from low libido, but that is not the worst of the matter. The bigger problem may be that men so affected are often ashamed of speaking out.

A marriage therapist told Saturday Vanguard that low libido or low sex drive is often perceived as violation of a man’s sense of masculinity. It is such that the mere thought of being disinterested in sex, or being unable to “perform” sexually practically strikes terror into the heart of the average man. This is understandable. A man is more visually and physically wired sexually than a woman because his sense of self is usually tied up in his virility. But there is a growing gap between myth and reality when it comes to male desire. The plain truth is that more men are having less sex more often.

Sexual health is important at any age, and the desire for intimacy is expected to be timeless. While a 40 or 50-year-old man’s desire or sexual appetite may not be the same as it was in his 20s or 30s, it can still be very fulfilling to be sexually active in advanced age.

A lagging libido can be frustrating. After years of wanting sex all the time, some men say the lack of interest feels like losing an important part of who they are. Testosterone plays a critical role in a man’s sexual experience. Testosterone levels gradually decline throughout adulthood — about 1 percent each year after age 30 on average.

As a man ages, arousal and interest in sex may be a problem. Why does this happen? Lower levels of testosterone can dampen desire. But that’s not the only reason. With advancing age, life stressors like money, children, and career pressure can make it more difficult to get into and stay interested in sex; so can medications, alcohol, depression, and major illnesses.

Woman, what’s killing your sex drive?

When Joan had her baby last year, she was over the moon with joy. Her baby was healthy, happy, and beautiful. Seeing Jacob, her husband dote on the new infant made her heart melt. But something didn’t feel right. At 27, Joan’s sex drive had vanished. “It was like a switch went off in my head,” she describes. “I wanted sex one day, and after that there was nothing. I didn’t want sex. I didn’t think about sex.” At first, she told herself this disappearing act was normal. Then after a few months she tried to find answers. Everyone tried to help, but nothing changed. She and Jacob managed to have sporadic sex. Joan was just going through the motions. “The sex was gone, and a whole part of my life with it. Is this still normal? Joan wondered.

“Low libido is extremely prevalent in women,” asserts a reproductive endocrinologist. “If you just ask women, whether they are not that interested in having sex, easily 2 out of 5 will say yes.” But lack of sex drive alone isn’t a problem. While some women simply don’t want sex that often, low libido is often a temporary side effect of an external stressor, like a new baby or financial troubles. In order to be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction, or what’s now sometimes called sexual interest/arousal disorder, women need to have low libido for at least six months and feel distressed about it. There are women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, who are otherwise healthy, happy, and in control of every area of their lives—except, suddenly, the bedroom.

What women wished men knew

Women are actually more prone than men to developing a flagging libido. Research shows that on the average 40 – 50 percent of women suffer bouts of low libido. A woman dodging out of sex, with the old excuse of having a headache or being too tired, is most likely trying to cover up her waning desire for sex.

Before the birth of her baby last year, Bola had a healthy appetite for sex and she and Ade, her spouse, couldn’t have enough of each other. In the first few months after their wedding, they were at it practically every day. Even when she became pregnant, the couple still managed to have a roll in the hay at least once every other day.

But everything has changed. The baby came and then, nothing. The fire has gone out and there is no spark again. Now, Bola has no sex drive to write home about and barely manages one sexual encounter in a week “just to please Ade” as she puts it.

Her doctor said it is not uncommon for a breastfeeding woman to experience a waning of desire due to the effect breastfeeding has on her hormones.

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